so chinese new year came.
and chinese new year went.
this year like got no value in the new year leh?
why ah?
mayb cos i was more interested in gambling.
ahahhaha!

what happens if you're out with this guy, and you realised he's keeping a condom in his wallet.
@!$#%^%#$!$%
well, it was comical.
was out with KAT,
then ah, we were out in changi somewhere lah.
her usual hangout.
so this guy who works in the restaurant that have been noticing her.

first came the note with flowers.
then he approached us.
( apparently i was invisible. KNS!! )
then he talked to KAT.
so KAT was a little excited abt this MAT.
so they talked a little, while me, being a gentleman, excused myself. ahha!
well, i had something more interested ah. thats why i gave u my seat so easily.

when he took off his pounch, his wallet dropped.
he didnt know.
so i picked it up,
took a little peek.
i see a condom(:
at first i was amused.
so i msged KAT to have a little fun.

who knows,
she was rather annoyed.
' what am i? a whore? '
so she took her phone, ( apparently they exchanged numbers already. )
she changed her number.
asked him to buy a drink for her,
then she held my hand and dragged me off.

and we went sentosa.
no camera, nothing. i cant go in the sun,
so we went underwater world.
it was boring.
but fun(:
as in the surprised and ice cream all over the face(:

oh well,
i type crazily.
hahaha!

its the new year.
i still feel the same.
i feel sad for those who have nothing to do now.
are they contented just attending mass?
why wont eugene be engrossed in church.
perhaps now i see why.
it's always happening.
no matter where.
with me,
anyone.

words are sometimes poison i guess.
people will talk.
when they talk, people talk.
and so it goes.
been going on.
this years the same.

i wanna be MAD.
i wanna SCOLD.
i wanna go up to this person and say,
' make me like you please. '

then there is always this thinking.
if you dun like me, i dun care too.

why are people going to other groups?
then at this time, why are they judged with having no commitment?
they have gave some part of their lives to a cause that was doomed to fail.
if i'm like that how?
i wont say i'm that good.
but i'm pretty sure i did something.
i hope.

which GOD am i serving?
GOD of human emotions, or GOD of divine power.
why are we being subjected to mere commitment for the work of GOD?
i now wonder whether i'll get a pass if i ever get judged by him.

i wanna ask.
why a standard in doing god's work?
why do some people seem to be god themselves?
how will people listen? how will i listen?
how will i put myself down and listen?
when everything else i stood up for is now being risked.

this call.
i ask myself.
is it a call?
is this a test?
here i am lord,
is it me lord?
the call.
to what?

i must learn to work with these people.
i must.
i still wanna serve.
to do so i'll try.

' i have never said it'll be easy. but i assure you, it'll be worth it. '
i really hope so.
this thing inside me is crying to come out.
this demon.
everyone has one.
some have made it part of their lives.
this thing cant come out now.
no!

ok ok ok ok...
yes!
that was a small part of how i feel about church.
nothing much.
definately more than any church.

and ya. why is a church like that?
how i know?
dun ask me.

yes, it's my church.
but i'm no reporter.
i do listen yes.
i have a gift for knowing things yes.
but no.
i say things only when needed.
haiz.
which i really hope so..